There's something really unpleasant about help that is not asked for. Think about it. If someone close to you feels compelled to school you about your life, without your express request for assistance, it must mean that your "problems" as they see them are glaring at them in neon. It inevitably makes the person on the receiving end feel defensive and insecure. Not fun.
I looked on a few psychology websites about the subject and my reading confirmed things I'd suspected, but didn't have the language for. For one thing, when this happens, it is usually more about the weakness and lack of control in the person offering the advice. One particular life coach, Elizabeth Scott, (MS in psychology) said it's about the person's need to feel needed; his way of feeling helpful and like "the teacher" in the situation. This type of advice also very narcissistic, she claims, when a person condescends to thinking he can solve your problems for you in one fell swoop. The advice giver can also gain a feeling of dominance over the person he is "correcting" and enjoy being the one in the right pontificating about another person's wrongs.
These are all potential explanations for unsolicited advice, all of which are negative places. It can be positive and altruistic, but then, would I really be blogging about it? On the other hand, I guess I would have something to write about if a person were to show her genuine concern about another human being in a respectful way. That would really be something.
I looked on a few psychology websites about the subject and my reading confirmed things I'd suspected, but didn't have the language for. For one thing, when this happens, it is usually more about the weakness and lack of control in the person offering the advice. One particular life coach, Elizabeth Scott, (MS in psychology) said it's about the person's need to feel needed; his way of feeling helpful and like "the teacher" in the situation. This type of advice also very narcissistic, she claims, when a person condescends to thinking he can solve your problems for you in one fell swoop. The advice giver can also gain a feeling of dominance over the person he is "correcting" and enjoy being the one in the right pontificating about another person's wrongs.
These are all potential explanations for unsolicited advice, all of which are negative places. It can be positive and altruistic, but then, would I really be blogging about it? On the other hand, I guess I would have something to write about if a person were to show her genuine concern about another human being in a respectful way. That would really be something.
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