Inspiration Poetic

I fell in love with a poem today. Actually, to be more accurate, I had the feeling the poem is describing, hence causing me to fall in love with it. In Denise Levertov's "The Secret," she describes the joy she experiences after hearing that two girls found a line she wrote meaningful to them. This makes her happy because if people are "finding the secret to life" in lines of poetry, it means they are looking for it. The poem has a very unique structure, almost stumbling; I think this is meant to echo the ecstasy she feels when writing; when contemplating how countless people are going to read, enjoy, forget and re-read her work over and over during the course of their lives. What a thought. In fact, I'm sure this isn't the first time I've read this poem, but I don't remember it having this effect on me before. I love how she asserts that she cannot know the meaning in her own lines that others see- kind of like a nod to reader's response. She also seems to emphasize that the poem isn't the important thing- but the greatness in life that it aims to describe or capture. Does life imitate art or does art imitate life? Ultimately, I think she talks about writing as a way of finding the secret to life; and I think she's glad she hasn't found it yet. All the more reason to keep looking.

My favorite line is: I love them for finding what I can't find, and for loving me for the line I wrote, and for forgetting it so that a thousand times till death finds them, they may discover it again, in other lines in other happenings."

Poetry is sick, dude.
"The Secret"

Two girls discover
the secret of life
in a sudden line of
poetry.

I who don't know the
secret wrote
the line.
They told me

(Through a third person)
they had found it
but not what it was
not even

what line it was. No doubt
by now, more than a week
later, they have forgotten
the secret,

the line, the name of
the poem. I love them
for finding what
I can't find,

and for loving me
for the line I wrote,
and for forgetting it
so that

a thousand times, till death
finds them, they may
discover it again, in other
lines

in other
happenings. And for
wanting to know it,
for

assuming there is
such a secret, yes,
for that
most of all.

Sleep Apnea Mishap

So I sleep with a machine. It's to help me keep breathing throughout the night because I have sleep apnea. I try to use it every night, but sometimes I end up taking the thing off and just rolling over. The one important thing to remember is that it needs distilled water in it. So sometimes on nights when it's uncomfortable, I know it's probably out of water and the air is too dry. So, last night I set it up with fresh water and I was all set. The other thing the nurses told me about it was to never move it when it has water in it. If you have to move it, you have to first remove the water. It can't be carried or anything. I can't imagine wanting to walk around with the thing; imagine I was a sleep-walker, too? But- I digress. Apparently moving it at all with water in it will really screw it up.

So, needless to say, you have to sleep near the wall so you can plug the thing in, and the tube that comes from your mask is about 6 feet long, which is plenty of slack, but it does have an end, if you know what I mean. So, usually it's long enough and I don't feel confined. But last night for some reason, I yanked on the tube in order to turn over- forgetting that I was even wearing the thing- and the entire machine flipped over onto its top. I'll say that again: onto its TOP. On its head. Not only was it loud- but the motor sounded crazy now, so I obviously had to turn it off, take off the mask, try to fix it, and clean up the mess. And by "mess" I mean all the water that came out in every direction onto the floor and the side of the bed and everywhere. Uggh.

So I think I'm all set and the floor is clean and there's a towel down and I'm about to go back to sleep and the tube drains out onto the bed! Yeah. I had no idea there was water in there! I'm hoping it's not broken. So yeah. When you're tired, already sleeping, and so comfortable you forget you're wearing a mask connected to a machine, what you really want to do is wake up and clean up several puddles of water all over the place. I highly recommend it. You should try it sometime. Oh and Buddy threw up so I cleaned that up, too. G'night.

House and Home

Having a house provides me with much joy. I love everything about it: home improvement projects, ownership, control, independence, privacy, freedom to decorate, etc. I only rented for one year after I moved out of my childhood home, and soon after that I became a home-owner. First we owned a co-op, and now my husband and I own a 4 bedroom, 2 bath Cape in Farmingdale which I absolutely love. In December we will have been here four years.

I'll never forget that we moved in days before Christmas. The first room I painted was the porch, and I did it on December 23rd -believe it or not- at 10 p.m! I couldn't look at the granny pink a second longer. And ever since then we haven't stopped pouring ourselves into this house to make it our home. We painted almost every room, pulled up all the pink carpets, sanded and refinished the hardwood floors and stairs, installed air conditioners, installed granite countertops, added a new backsplash and sink, and carpeted and painted the basement. Oh, yeah- and a new oil burner. Whew.

I've always wanted a pool, so during our second summer here we put in a 15x30 semi-inground pool and had landscapers come to lay sod and plant trees and shrubs. Every spring I plant flowers in the front and back yards. We have a small deck that we use very often and we had that sanded and painted, too. We had a shed installed, a fence put up, and bought gutter helmets!

I love my yard. I have so many memories already with this yard as the backdrop. It sounds so cheesy, but I think that's a priceless part of owning a home: it's a place your family and friends create fond memories. And it's these experiences that fill the home with a spirit of warmth, welcoming, comfort, and love.

There's nothing better than spending a Saturday morning cleaning. (Lame-O-Alert). I love to clean and I take true satisfaction in making a room look "re-set" back to normal. (Loser).Don't get me wrong, I'm not clean "freak" per se, and there's guaranteed dust and cat hair in places I can't reach or see. (in your food). I just don't like clutter or mess. Why do we clean our homes when they are for SALE to impress others when we can enjoy our homes in that state as much as possible? I enjoy a clean house, so sue me. It may sound like I'm setting women back 50-60 years, but to me, cleaning, decorating and respecting my home is my way of showing that I appreciate it and am grateful for it. And it's not like my husband is forcing me to do it, or expecting it of me- I elect to do it because I enjoy not only the results, but the instant satisfaction. Thank God my husband is a "cleaner," too. I mean, a man with a high threshold for mess is just annoying. Sometimes on Saturdays I wake up to the sound of the vacuum. My man is cleaning! Sweet!

The honeymoon period

I originally titled this entry

"Back To School" because essentially that's what it's about. But, half way through the caffeine had kicked in, and I had to admit that the expression does churn my stomach. Like Pavlov's dogs, when I hear that expression- especially on a commercial that's WAY louder than the actual show- (don't you just HATE that????) I actually throw up in my mouth a little bit. It's a foul expression- especially when uttered around children.

Nevertheless, my school went back before Labor Day and I actually don't mind getting back into the swing. I love my new classroom and my kids seem really cute. I'm excited to start getting to know them and laughing with them as they get to know my quirks. Anyone who knows me wonders if I tame the inner weirdo in the classroom, and the answers is no I don't. I think laughter is such a great way to break the tension we all feel about school starting again. Although, I must say I think the first day jitters didn't happen to me this year. I don't think I was nervous at all- just excited. And yes, I am lying.

Getting to know their names is always a challenge for me. I might start taking a photo of the class and studying their faces at home or on prep periods. Maybe that would help. I definitely need their name plates out in front of them for at least two weeks! I started class with rules of course, but then I had them write a cinquain about either the beginning of school, the end of summer, their role models, thier interests, their favorite things to do, etc...I wanted them to fall in love with the topic of their poem so they would want to write it. For 9th graders, I think it's important to "hook" them early so they love your class and are proud of something they did right away. That way, even the most reluctant writer/reader can feel a boost in confidence about English class.

So the plan is to decorate the back bulletin board with their poems so it looks more inviting. (See pictures- I did it!) That will also make the room feel special to them because their work is up on the wall. Being an English teacher is such a delicious job. Before all the grading piles up, and the stress mounts, and the sleep suffers, and the work-load gets nuts, and the grading begins, it truly is enjoyable. I love the planning aspect of teaching and the time in the classroom. For this reason, I always enjoy September: I haven't collected anything to grade yet. For now the red pen stays capped. It's the honeymoon period: I haven't had to show my grade book and they haven't had to be evaluated yet. I dread the moment when the illusion ends, but part of growing as a student is being able to evaluate yourself honestly.

A "honeymoon" is about love. I want them to love coming to English class.